MY Opia

my·o·pi·a [mahy-oh-pee-uh]
–noun
narrow-mindedness; intolerance.

It is interesting to me how different views about a topic germinate, and how well founded most peoples opinions are to themselves. Many factors are responsible for our individual world view, such as our parents and families opinions and our own actions. But none have the power to persuade us like our DESIRE does. In fact never will we change or widen our prospective unless we first WANT to. People will always defend their world view with all the facts they know, and ignore relevant truths that may disprove their beliefs. To overcome myopia ALL virtuous truth is included. To truly discern, the good traits are more revealing.

Many people read some of what I write in comment areas and they instantly think that I am very angry. But if they knew me and could see right into my heart they would know that I do not even know what angry is. Yes, sometimes I do lash out when I see people insulting those I love, and quite often I regret it faster than it took to do it. But it is not because I am mad; it is because I am so very sad. I am very defensive because I truly do pity those people who slander the FLDS people and leaders. I will defend those I know as innocent, but I do not want to get angry. Angry folks really only hurt themselves in the long run. Hate comes from fear and creates fear, and I fear no one. I apologize to anyone who I have personally offended, even though some of what you say is intended to offend me.

Most people that I deal with daily have no idea who I am or where I come from, let alone that I have a blog that gets 400-500 hits per day, and lawyers, government officials, and reporters documenting what I say. My own boss and all but one of my coworkers think I am but a shy mainstream Mormon. Yet most every one I converse with for very long want to be my personal friend, with very few exceptions. I would not doubt for a moment that if any of the anti-FLDS who did not know who I was met me in the street, they would think rather highly of me. I was employee of the year for this company of over a hundred my first year here, (I told my boss that was a rather sad commentary). I am often told by my superiors that I am the easiest to give work to. The coworker who knows about this blog considers me his good friend, and he hated Mormonism before he met me. I listen way more than I speak, but when I speak most listen. A black fellow from Vanuatu wanted to move to America and be my son, and I have actually had two different people tell me that if they died, they would want me to have their children. That is something humbling.

I seek to help in every way I can, and try to smile no matter how I feel inside. It is no big deal to insult me, I knew it would happen an expected it when I wrote this blog. But I continue on knowing I have sacrificed all, including my own good name, honor and applause, to defend the innocent. My heart is bigger than Texas, and I owe it all to how much my heart aches. I care so much it hurts.

I admit I have a fairly low self esteem, but it is in my own ability, not my desire. I have very high confidence in what I have been taught, and in the testimony I have of the religion of my heritage and my God; high enough to see great things in other peoples beliefs even when they call me a brainwashed slave. But I do get discouraged easily, and feel frustrated that I am not making the personal progress that I wish I would. I try to think of what I have accomplished, and all I see are my mistakes. When I see others mistakes, I first try to think of how I can help them see those mistakes, but I want to forgive. I will never talk about someone behind their back anything I wouldn’t say directly to them. But that isn’t saying much either. Criticizing is never constructive, and correction can only come from those who have the authority. I am guilty, the FLDS are not. I have probably caused many anti-FLDS to become MORE spiteful because of my words, practically defeating my purpose here. That I do regret.

The desire to have faith, and to believe in a particular religion and religious leader is myopic in a sense, because those who don’t have that same faith are just as credible in their belief that it is wrong, and can “see” all what is wrong about it. But there are no more small minded or pitiful people than those who hate. I have used the term “bigot” more loosely than I should, but it so very accurately describes those who think they or the state should run other peoples EXERCISE of peaceful religion, association, or speech. THAT is myopia.